Seems like we are getting some good press! Keep fighting the good fight!
http://www.dailypeloton.com/displayarticle.asp?pk=13948
Friday, January 9, 2009
Part 2: The Departed
Grabbing my 40-pound mountain bike, knowing that I would have to rely on it as my only method of transportation, was earth shattering. The thought of 36 miles on that steel beast made me feel just of my punishment. Letting go and moving on are always the hardest part. Albeit, losing my license and ability to travel freely felt horrible; I remember telling myself to be optimistic and embrace the things that were happening to me, not to cherish them but to harness them as a means to become something better.
Change is something that is not easy; its difficult, ugly and constant work. This situation was definitely not one of grace, with a mid 90’s steel mountain bike that had not been ridden in years and the 230 pound out-of-shape partier riding it 140 miles a week to get to work and school. The idea seemed insane to everyone around me; no one believed that I would actually get on the bike and ride, everyone was holding their breath wanting me to ask them for transportation.
Starting out the first week was miserable and I remember thinking this was going to be the worst six months ever. My optimism would remind me that at least it wasn’t winter. After the second week, I began to find peace and discover myself in ways that I never knew were possible. I knew now at this point that I would never ask for transportation and thus my love for cycling began. Instead of dreading the morning ride to school, I began to embrace it. After the first month, one of my co-workers offered me a newer road bike and shoes that he no longer wanted, it was an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Slowly those around me saw the change inside of me, as well as a physical change. I was becoming leaner, happier and more focused than I had been in years. Personally, I was feeling amazing and more confident. My weight had dipped under 200 pounds for the first time in 3 years. Although, this change was coming slowly and I wanted to embrace it as much as possible. This meant going beyond working out, this meant DIET!
In order to keep change moving, I had to dig deep and give up things I loved. This meant no more fast food, no more sweets and pretty much no more anything that tasted delicious. I remember having to convince myself of the values of fruit and vegetables while hating how they tasted. This was not going to be easy, but for the first time in my life I felt like I had control of a situation. I had the power and reserve to make it through even the hardest tasks.
As my love for cycling grew, riding for necessity turned into riding for recreation. Riding provided the structure from definite chaos. The recreational rides increased, so did my desire to try my hand at racing, and Colorado State University provided an excellent resource in its collegiate division. I was lucky to have some friends that were established officers with the team which made joining hassle free. It was something new and exciting for me; something that I was going head first into with no idea of the commitment required. But with that aside, I departed with my prior self and went looking into uncharted grounds…
Change is something that is not easy; its difficult, ugly and constant work. This situation was definitely not one of grace, with a mid 90’s steel mountain bike that had not been ridden in years and the 230 pound out-of-shape partier riding it 140 miles a week to get to work and school. The idea seemed insane to everyone around me; no one believed that I would actually get on the bike and ride, everyone was holding their breath wanting me to ask them for transportation.
Starting out the first week was miserable and I remember thinking this was going to be the worst six months ever. My optimism would remind me that at least it wasn’t winter. After the second week, I began to find peace and discover myself in ways that I never knew were possible. I knew now at this point that I would never ask for transportation and thus my love for cycling began. Instead of dreading the morning ride to school, I began to embrace it. After the first month, one of my co-workers offered me a newer road bike and shoes that he no longer wanted, it was an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Slowly those around me saw the change inside of me, as well as a physical change. I was becoming leaner, happier and more focused than I had been in years. Personally, I was feeling amazing and more confident. My weight had dipped under 200 pounds for the first time in 3 years. Although, this change was coming slowly and I wanted to embrace it as much as possible. This meant going beyond working out, this meant DIET!
In order to keep change moving, I had to dig deep and give up things I loved. This meant no more fast food, no more sweets and pretty much no more anything that tasted delicious. I remember having to convince myself of the values of fruit and vegetables while hating how they tasted. This was not going to be easy, but for the first time in my life I felt like I had control of a situation. I had the power and reserve to make it through even the hardest tasks.
As my love for cycling grew, riding for necessity turned into riding for recreation. Riding provided the structure from definite chaos. The recreational rides increased, so did my desire to try my hand at racing, and Colorado State University provided an excellent resource in its collegiate division. I was lucky to have some friends that were established officers with the team which made joining hassle free. It was something new and exciting for me; something that I was going head first into with no idea of the commitment required. But with that aside, I departed with my prior self and went looking into uncharted grounds…
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Team Press Release 2009
Hey Everyone, Our team press release hit this morning featured on the front page of Velonews, http://www.velonews.com/article/86340/ten-speed-driveellsworth-factory-cycling-team
Monday, January 5, 2009
Part One: The Meeting
As featured on Armada Racing,
I gave myself three choices:
It finally had come to this point. After the past two weeks hoping I wouldn’t wake up, I’d finally hit the bottom. I knew something had to change because I could not go on being this miserable.
My day included waking up hung over, going to class, going to work and then drinking; but not to enjoy, but rather, to fill the void. I knew this wasn’t meant for me, so I had a “meeting” with myself, giving the three most rational answers I could come up with. I sat alone in my room pondering each one, thinking of the pros and cons.
At the time, door number one was looking to be the best option after a few recruiting visits and to validate, I would drop subtle hints at family dinners to gauge reactions…
I knew that the Marines and certain deployment in Afghanistan was not my path. Wanting to fight for the flag and fighting for myself were two different things that did not line up.
After thinking about ending everything violently, I knew that the love that I had for my family would never let me do this either. Having them discover such a scene was something I couldn’t stomach regardless of how depressed I was.
This left one option: CHANGE… Just by luck this would not be the easiest choice either, but after this meeting I was determined to be happy and find a path in life. I knew this was going to be a change for the long haul and that changes that work need to be slow and lasting.
But wait! What was I changing?
Going back in time, I was about 16 when this all started, playing competitive youth hockey, the sport also provided a lifestyle of drinking and partying. After high school I lost interest in the sport, but still wanted and needed that party lifestyle. Before I knew it, the lifestyle had swallowed me whole, forging two years of my life over to the bottle. Work did not help since I worked in a hockey shop, which perpetuated this lifestyle. It was perfectly normal for us to come to work, still a wreck from the night before. This was my life, and it provided a nice hole of depression for me to crawl into, and as it happened, I didn't realize it until I was already at the bottom.
So back to change, which was surprisingly easier than I thought. It became easy to not drink every night, and I had made steady improvements over a month-long period. Unfortunately this was not good enough; one slip up is very easy and comes suddenly.
I remember being upset about getting sent to the Boulder store location, but had no choice but to go. Basically this meant that I would be getting home even later for my Friday night out. After a long afternoon at the Boulder location, with no staff besides myself, I was ready for a drink. One thing leads to another and next thing I know I am drinking and driving. Despite the risk, I am almost home, planning my night out and as I stop for a red light, BOOM, I get plowed into. I remember seeing the headlights thinking “oh no” but there was no avoiding. My car is totaled; the damage wasn’t even explainable until I pulled myself out of the car. I realize the person behind me is seriously injured, both cars are totaled and I am seriously screwed.
As the police approach, part of me feels like this whole situation can still be ok while the other side knows we are imminently doomed. It doesn’t take much for the officer to realize that I am under influence and next thing I know I am doing roadside tests like a bad episode of Cops, knowing that any hope of not getting arrested is over. After my humiliation, I am handcuffed and thrown in the back of the police cruiser pondering how things could be any worse and how I am going to explain this to everyone.
To my surprise, because I was rather orderly and compliant with the officer, I was able to avoid spending anytime in jail and got released a few hours later to one of my friends. Finally upon getting home, I faced the inevitable, waking my parents up at 1:00 am to break the news. I was shocked by their reaction; they were comforting and happy that I wasn’t the one who caused the accident. They calmed me down and had me get some rest.
The next day I was proactive about the situation, knowing it was a delicate one; I contacted my employer and Eric Sunness, a good friend who was also a great lawyer. I continued to be surprised by the reactions of those around me, and this brought me hope knowing that these people were supporting me through this. After some legal meetings, it was apparent that I was going to lose my license, but would be able to expunge the incident from my record. I knew at this moment that this incident needed to be transformed. This was a horrible thing, but I was determined to make it the best thing that had ever happened to me. This had been the path that I needed to change, although it wasn’t the path I wanted to take…
I gave myself three choices:
- Join the Marines.
- Change my life.
- Stop playing around and end it.
It finally had come to this point. After the past two weeks hoping I wouldn’t wake up, I’d finally hit the bottom. I knew something had to change because I could not go on being this miserable.My day included waking up hung over, going to class, going to work and then drinking; but not to enjoy, but rather, to fill the void. I knew this wasn’t meant for me, so I had a “meeting” with myself, giving the three most rational answers I could come up with. I sat alone in my room pondering each one, thinking of the pros and cons.
At the time, door number one was looking to be the best option after a few recruiting visits and to validate, I would drop subtle hints at family dinners to gauge reactions…
I knew that the Marines and certain deployment in Afghanistan was not my path. Wanting to fight for the flag and fighting for myself were two different things that did not line up.
After thinking about ending everything violently, I knew that the love that I had for my family would never let me do this either. Having them discover such a scene was something I couldn’t stomach regardless of how depressed I was.
This left one option: CHANGE… Just by luck this would not be the easiest choice either, but after this meeting I was determined to be happy and find a path in life. I knew this was going to be a change for the long haul and that changes that work need to be slow and lasting.
But wait! What was I changing?
Going back in time, I was about 16 when this all started, playing competitive youth hockey, the sport also provided a lifestyle of drinking and partying. After high school I lost interest in the sport, but still wanted and needed that party lifestyle. Before I knew it, the lifestyle had swallowed me whole, forging two years of my life over to the bottle. Work did not help since I worked in a hockey shop, which perpetuated this lifestyle. It was perfectly normal for us to come to work, still a wreck from the night before. This was my life, and it provided a nice hole of depression for me to crawl into, and as it happened, I didn't realize it until I was already at the bottom.So back to change, which was surprisingly easier than I thought. It became easy to not drink every night, and I had made steady improvements over a month-long period. Unfortunately this was not good enough; one slip up is very easy and comes suddenly.
I remember being upset about getting sent to the Boulder store location, but had no choice but to go. Basically this meant that I would be getting home even later for my Friday night out. After a long afternoon at the Boulder location, with no staff besides myself, I was ready for a drink. One thing leads to another and next thing I know I am drinking and driving. Despite the risk, I am almost home, planning my night out and as I stop for a red light, BOOM, I get plowed into. I remember seeing the headlights thinking “oh no” but there was no avoiding. My car is totaled; the damage wasn’t even explainable until I pulled myself out of the car. I realize the person behind me is seriously injured, both cars are totaled and I am seriously screwed.
As the police approach, part of me feels like this whole situation can still be ok while the other side knows we are imminently doomed. It doesn’t take much for the officer to realize that I am under influence and next thing I know I am doing roadside tests like a bad episode of Cops, knowing that any hope of not getting arrested is over. After my humiliation, I am handcuffed and thrown in the back of the police cruiser pondering how things could be any worse and how I am going to explain this to everyone.To my surprise, because I was rather orderly and compliant with the officer, I was able to avoid spending anytime in jail and got released a few hours later to one of my friends. Finally upon getting home, I faced the inevitable, waking my parents up at 1:00 am to break the news. I was shocked by their reaction; they were comforting and happy that I wasn’t the one who caused the accident. They calmed me down and had me get some rest.
The next day I was proactive about the situation, knowing it was a delicate one; I contacted my employer and Eric Sunness, a good friend who was also a great lawyer. I continued to be surprised by the reactions of those around me, and this brought me hope knowing that these people were supporting me through this. After some legal meetings, it was apparent that I was going to lose my license, but would be able to expunge the incident from my record. I knew at this moment that this incident needed to be transformed. This was a horrible thing, but I was determined to make it the best thing that had ever happened to me. This had been the path that I needed to change, although it wasn’t the path I wanted to take…
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