Part One: The Meeting

As featured on Armada Racing,

I gave myself three choices:

1. Join the Marines.
   
2. Change my life.
   
3. Stop playing around and end it.

It finally had come to this point. After the past two weeks hoping I wouldn’t wake up, I’d finally hit the bottom. I knew something had to change because I could not go on being this miserable.

My day included waking up hung over, going to class, going to work and then drinking; but not to enjoy, but rather, to fill the void. I knew this wasn’t meant for me, so I had a “meeting” with myself, giving the three most rational answers I could come up with. I sat alone in my room pondering each one, thinking of the pros and cons.

At the time, door number one was looking to be the best option after a few recruiting visits and to validate, I would drop subtle hints at family dinners to gauge reactions…
I knew that the Marines and certain deployment in Afghanistan was not my path. Wanting to fight for the flag and fighting for myself were two different things that did not line up.

After thinking about ending everything violently, I knew that the love that I had for my family would never let me do this either. Having them discover such a scene was something I couldn’t stomach regardless of how depressed I was.

This left one option: CHANGE… Just by luck this would not be the easiest choice either, but after this meeting I was determined to be happy and find a path in life. I knew this was going to be a change for the long haul and that changes that work need to be slow and lasting.

But wait! What was I changing?

Going back in time, I was about 16 when this all started, playing competitive youth hockey, the sport also provided a lifestyle of drinking and partying. After high school I lost interest in the sport, but still wanted and needed that party lifestyle. Before I knew it, the lifestyle had swallowed me whole, forging two years of my life over to the bottle. Work did not help since I worked in a hockey shop, which perpetuated this lifestyle. It was perfectly normal for us to come to work, still a wreck from the night before. This was my life, and it provided a nice hole of depression for me to crawl into, and as it happened, I didn't realize it until I was already at the bottom.

So back to change, which was surprisingly easier than I thought. It became easy to not drink every night, and I had made steady improvements over a month-long period. Unfortunately this was not good enough; one slip up is very easy and comes suddenly.

I remember being upset about getting sent to the Boulder store location, but had no choice but to go. Basically this meant that I would be getting home even later for my Friday night out. After a long afternoon at the Boulder location, with no staff besides myself, I was ready for a drink. One thing leads to another and next thing I know I am drinking and driving. Despite the risk, I am almost home, planning my night out and as I stop for a red light, BOOM, I get plowed into. I remember seeing the headlights thinking “oh no” but there was no avoiding. My car is totaled; the damage wasn’t even explainable until I pulled myself out of the car. I realize the person behind me is seriously injured, both cars are totaled and I am seriously screwed.

As the police approach, part of me feels like this whole situation can still be ok while the other side knows we are imminently doomed. It doesn’t take much for the officer to realize that I am under influence and next thing I know I am doing roadside tests like a bad episode of Cops, knowing that any hope of not getting arrested is over. After my humiliation, I am handcuffed and thrown in the back of the police cruiser pondering how things could be any worse and how I am going to explain this to everyone.

To my surprise, because I was rather orderly and compliant with the officer, I was able to avoid spending anytime in jail and got released a few hours later to one of my friends. Finally upon getting home, I faced the inevitable, waking my parents up at 1:00 am to break the news. I was shocked by their reaction; they were comforting and happy that I wasn’t the one who caused the accident. They calmed me down and had me get some rest.

The next day I was proactive about the situation, knowing it was a delicate one; I contacted my employer and Eric Sunness, a good friend who was also a great lawyer. I continued to be surprised by the reactions of those around me, and this brought me hope knowing that these people were supporting me through this. After some legal meetings, it was apparent that I was going to lose my license, but would be able to expunge the incident from my record. I knew at this moment that this incident needed to be transformed. This was a horrible thing, but I was determined to make it the best thing that had ever happened to me. This had been the path that I needed to change, although it wasn’t the path I wanted to take…